Hi all!
This is a sort of part two to last week's post about why I didn't do a creative writing degree. Before I start I just want to say good luck to everyone on the last push for NaNoWriMo!
Anyway, on with the story.
I didn't always hate English, it was only when I got to secondary school in the middle of year ten (that's fifteen years old for anyone confused). I had a lovely teacher who was funny and tried to make the classes interesting for us.
Then she left.
Her replacement did not like me. As a quiet kid, I used to just keep my head down and get on with the work, but that was terrible according to her. She loved the loud kids who always disrupted the class but absolutely despised anyone who never spoke.
Because of my anxiety, I was the biggest target in the class.
It started off small, with her giving me the occasional glare as I sat in the front row (because she wanted to keep an eye on me). Eventually she moved me further back because she found me 'too self centered' to put my hand up.
Pretty soon it evolved to her picking on me in class and picking apart any answer I gave, which did absolutely nothing for my anxiety and only heightened my depression because I thought I was stupid.
At some point though, she decided to step it up a notch. She thought none of us could spell so she started setting spelling tests in class. I knew how to spell pretty well, so it didn't worry me too much.
Then she marked it.
She would deliberately mark my correct spellings as incorrect and write the same word next to my correctly spelt one. I thought it was my handwriting, so I wrote them in capital letters so she could read them properly.
Nope.
She marked my correctly spelled word as wrong, and wrote the incorrect spelling next to it. It really irked me to see that I was getting dragged down because of it. I checked my friend's spellings, and she spelled it the same as me and got marked right. So the teacher knew the correct spelling, knew I had done it correctly, but penalised me anyway.
I wasn't happy, but my mum refused to complain and told me to suck it up.
So, I did.
The next big thing was when we had to create a PowerPoint and present it in front of the class. I was terrified.
We had to talk about one of our hobbies, and I chose writing. Throughout my entire presentation she ignored the people talking over me and kept snapping at me to get in view of he camera (they had to be recorded for some reason). Once I was finished she tapped the table impatiently as she waited for the other teacher to give me a score. I got a B which I thought was great, until they mentioned that the teacher decided to mark me down because of my nervous mannerisms. I usually touch my hair a lot and stutter when I present in front of people, and she decided that was bad enough to mark me down. No one else got marked down for being nervous.
Another incident happened when we had to do a group project, which would be part of our overall grade as well. Like I said in the last post, no one really liked having me in their group so I just got stuck with whoever. To get the grade we had to discuss a topic and write notes on it, it was to test our speaking and listening skills.
So, as soon as I joined the group, the other members kicked off when they found out we would all get graded the same, no matter who displayed more skills. I really, really tried to speak as much as I could but I was just so nervous and everyone else kept ignoring me or speaking over me. We all got Cs, which I was pretty happy with because I passed. The others in my group were the A and A* lot, so they were not happy to get a C.
I could see from the absolute look of disgust on their faces that they weren't happy. When the grades were announced the teacher let us chat for a bit, which meant that my group were just talking smack about how useless I was and I was ruining their future.
I wanted to cry.
The teacher saw this going on, and encouraged them. She went over and apologised that I had dragged them down and she would be having words with me. She told them not worry however, because people like me always end up working for people like them so they'd get the last laugh.
Somehow I managed to last another year in that class before a light appeared at the end of the tunnel: the creative writing exam.
I was ecstatic.
I couldn't wait to actually enjoy an exam for once, and practice my writing while I was at it.
Of course, she had to ruin it somehow. First she told me that you should never, ever describe a character. Apparently the reader doesn't care. I knew that was a load of crap and described them anyway. She tore me apart in front of the whole class for daring to describe one of my characters as having dark skin. Some people called me racist for including that character as the teacher told them that you can only write characters the same skin colour as you or you're racist.
Second, I didn't know what a semicolon was. She jumped on that in no time, she convinced me that semicolons are to be used in every sentence instead of commas. This confused the hell out of me and I replaced all commas with semicolons. Looking back I think I'm so stupid for listening, because it cost me a few extra marks.
Anyway, once my GCSEs were done I decided that I was not going to allow myself to be treated like that in such a hostile environment. She ruined my favourite subject for me, I just couldn't do it any further. I did not want to get ridiculed by someone like her again.
So I didn't do it at A Level, instead I chose subjects that made me happy.
I don't regret it, because I was a little bit more relaxed in these subjects and I was treated better.
Anyway, sorry for another depressing story but I think it's important that people realise that the tiniest actions can have huge consequences. Especially on teenagers. Be kind and encourage them, don't bring them down.
I haven't decided on a subject for next week so keep your eyes peeled!