Hi all,
This week I'm going to talk about why I didn't use a pen name instead of my real name for my books. For those who don't know, a pen name is a pseudonym for an author to write under instead of using their real name. There's a variety of reasons why authors choose pen names, but that's not what this blog post is about.
As I've written about in the past, I do suffer from depression and anxiety and have done so for many years. Although I'm much better now, I spent years in the dark with regards to my mental health as not many people listened. I only got diagnosed three years ago, after going to three separate doctors at three separate surgeries.
I was so tempted to use a pen name because I thought that the people who I went to school with wouldn't be able to find me. I wanted to hide from them, in case they decided to go after me again and everyone sided with them. Many of my 'friends' ignored how I was feeling, and thought I was just making it up for attention. I was worried that they would find my books and slam me online if I used my real name. I thought they would just tell people that I'm lying and they would be instantly believed.
I didn't want my career dragged through the mud.
I didn't want those people dragging me back to my darkest days.
However, once I started taking medication my mindset changed. I didn't want to hide from those people anymore.
I wanted them to find me.
I wanted them to see that despite everything I've still kept going and I haven't succumbed to their idea of me - a quiet girl doing absolutely nothing with her life.
I want them to see that despite mentally being destroyed for years, I'm still pursuing my dreams. I don't care if they find me now. I don't care if they find my books and hate them.
I beat them.
I beat their preconceived idea of me.
Now that my anxiety has lessened, I now realise that it was silly to think that everyone would side with them. Many people I've met on Twitter have been extremely supportive of me, and I doubt one nasty person slamming me online would sway them so easily.
Many authors use pen names for a variety of reasons, but I realised that a pen name won't protect me from these people. It was the wrong reason to use a pen name, to hide from people I hadn't seen for years.
So, I am using my real name.
If people want to use a pen name to hide their identity - so be it. I'm just glad that they're getting their work out there. It's just that using one wasn't for me.
Some of these people have found my Facebook or Twitter pages I'm sure, but I'm not bothered. It means they can see what I've become now - a strong woman rather than the timid little girl they still envision me as.
That's it for this week, hope you enjoyed the post! A little update on Blood and Water - it will be available for preorder over the next few weeks, so keep an eye out!