Why Marketing my Book is Hard for me

Hi all,

It's been a while since I've done a post about mental health, and today I've done something that I think is worthy of a blog post.

As authors, self published or traditionally published, we have to market our books so readers can discover them. It's a lot harder than it looks, as most of it is just trial and error until you find something that works for you. Unfortunately, as a sufferer or anxiety and depression, marketing is very difficult for me to do.

Let me explain.

Today I sent four emails to various writing groups to ask them if they would be interested in reading my book.

It took me two hours to build myself up to pressing the send button on each. The amount of anxiety I felt was horrible, I felt like I was back in school again. Despite being much better than I once was as a teenager, communication is still hard for me. The feeling of 'they're just going to say no' is still very strong. I wrote those emails over and over, worrying that I'm sounding too robotic or too casual. Even now, an hour after sending those emails, I'm expecting them to berate me for even asking.

Marketing is a huge part of publishing a book, and in my eyes, the scariest. I've been judged by people so much in life and now I have to go through it all again. As much as it pains me to send those emails, I know I have to do it.

I have to give Blood and Water a fighting chance.

If I just release it and don't bother marketing it, it won't sell. I need to market so people can find it, no matter how terrifying it is.

My next step is to put up posters around my hometown and ask libraries if they would be interested in displaying a poster. While writing, editing and publishing the book was scary, this is so much worse.

My anxiety is threatening to overpower me once again, but I'm fighting back. Yes, it might take me a few hours to send an email and yes, fretting so much about a poster can seem trivial.

But in my eyes, it's terrifying.

I've seen a lot of people talk about authors hating marketing because they're introverts and hate to big themselves up. I however, want to talk about the mental toll marketing can have.

It doesn't matter how mentally strong you are, marketing is draining and absolutely terrifying. It's not just about being an introvert, it's about being genuinely scared of rejection.

As authors we face rejection at every angle, marketing is just something else to worry about. Querying was bad enough, but in the end every email I sent out I knew I would get a 'no' from. That's when I decided to self publish. But with marketing, you can't just decide not to do it, it's vital for your book.

I'm hoping that one day I will just go numb to the feeling of marketing like I did with querying, and then it won't scare me anymore. Until that day, if it ever comes, I'm going to carry on trying.

Whether it takes minutes or hours, I will continue to market my books.

That's it for this week, I hope you enjoyed. See you next week.

My First Book Launch Party

Hi all,

For anyone who has missed my social media posts - I attended the launch party for Adverbially Challenged Volume Four and Sensorially Challenged Volume Two on Tuesday. It was my first ever launch party and writing event that I've ever attended.

All the readers at the event

My boyfriend and I went to a cat cafe, You & Meow, beforehand to try and settle my anxiety. Although I have a cat at home, Bristol is a two hour drive from where we live, so I needed to pet some cats just before the launch party. The cats were all very sweet and playful, they even had some new kittens! Overall it was a great experience and helped me calm down a bit. We also had some delicious carrot cake that we had to eat quickly because a few of the cats were eyeing it up.

One of the cats trying to get a taste of my smoothie

Now, for the launch party itself.

There was quite a lot of people there, most getting ready to read their stories in front of everyone. My stomach churned the entire time as I was waiting for my slot. Eventually my turn came and I managed to make my way up to the stage without tripping. Although the reading of my story, Mother Cat, was short and a bit rushed, I managed to do it. The entire time I was waiting to go up I felt like I was back in school again, about to do a presentation in front of the whole class. The whole experience made me very thankful that I'm not in school anymore!

Me, reading ‘Mother Cat’ from Adverbially Challenged Volume Four

The evening was great and I loved the stories that were read out by others. I've never seen so many authors in one place, and it was good to see that so many people have a passion for writing.

Would I do it again?

Yes.

Would I read another story out?

Maybe.

The experience brought back a lot of bad memories from my school days, so I'm not sure if I could put myself through that again. I'm so glad I faced my fears and did it though, and that my boyfriend was there to support me.

I hope you enjoyed this week's blog post.

See you next week!

Why I Didn't Use a Pen Name

Hi all,

This week I'm going to talk about why I didn't use a pen name instead of my real name for my books. For those who don't know, a pen name is a pseudonym for an author to write under instead of using their real name. There's a variety of reasons why authors choose pen names, but that's not what this blog post is about.

As I've written about in the past, I do suffer from depression and anxiety and have done so for many years. Although I'm much better now, I spent years in the dark with regards to my mental health as not many people listened. I only got diagnosed three years ago, after going to three separate doctors at three separate surgeries.

I was so tempted to use a pen name because I thought that the people who I went to school with wouldn't be able to find me. I wanted to hide from them, in case they decided to go after me again and everyone sided with them. Many of my 'friends' ignored how I was feeling, and thought I was just making it up for attention. I was worried that they would find my books and slam me online if I used my real name. I thought they would just tell people that I'm lying and they would be instantly believed.

I didn't want my career dragged through the mud.

I didn't want those people dragging me back to my darkest days.

However, once I started taking medication my mindset changed. I didn't want to hide from those people anymore.

I wanted them to find me.

I wanted them to see that despite everything I've still kept going and I haven't succumbed to their idea of me - a quiet girl doing absolutely nothing with her life.

I want them to see that despite mentally being destroyed for years, I'm still pursuing my dreams. I don't care if they find me now. I don't care if they find my books and hate them.

I beat them.

I beat their preconceived idea of me.

Now that my anxiety has lessened, I now realise that it was silly to think that everyone would side with them. Many people I've met on Twitter have been extremely supportive of me, and I doubt one nasty person slamming me online would sway them so easily.

Many authors use pen names for a variety of reasons, but I realised that a pen name won't protect me from these people. It was the wrong reason to use a pen name, to hide from people I hadn't seen for years.

So, I am using my real name.

If people want to use a pen name to hide their identity - so be it. I'm just glad that they're getting their work out there. It's just that using one wasn't for me.

Some of these people have found my Facebook or Twitter pages I'm sure, but I'm not bothered. It means they can see what I've become now - a strong woman rather than the timid little girl they still envision me as.

That's it for this week, hope you enjoyed the post! A little update on Blood and Water - it will be available for preorder over the next few weeks, so keep an eye out!

Writing Characters with Anxiety

Hi all,

This week I'm taking a break from blogging about Elemental Dragons to talk about writing characters with anxiety. As I suffer from anxiety and depression myself, I want to see these characters portrayed correctly so people who may be suffering can recognise the signs.

When I wrote Blood and Water I was seventeen and I had no diagnosis. So I thought it was normal to worry about everything and second guess your decisions so I wrote Hazel the same way. It was only when I entered an early version of Blood and Water in a contest two years later did I realise that this behaviour wasn't normal. The judges loved how I portrayed Hazel's anxiety, and how real it felt. It all clicked on my mind that I had unknowingly given my main character anxiety. 

So, I want to share with you all how to portray anxiety as realistically as possible.

Have them second guess every decision they make.

Anxiety will make your character worry about every decision they make. They are terrified of making the wrong one, even if they eventually make the right decision. If you are writing in first person, you can have them talk to themselves about the decisions they make. You can also use this as a way of the character trying to motivate themselves to make a certain decision.

There's a difference between being shy and being anxious.

Just because your character is shy and quiet it doesn't make them anxious. Although people who suffer from anxiety in some cases can be naturally quiet and shy, like me, it doesn't mean that it's a sure sign. Characters can be quiet and shy around others but loud and excitable around their friendship group or family. Quiet doesn't equal anxiety.

Trust.

With my anxiety, I find it hard to trust others. I'm extremely conscious of the fact that they could break that trust any second, as many people have in the past. Especially when it comes to working in groups. I constantly worry that people won't do their part and mess everything up. Not everyone with anxiety struggles with trust though.

Appetite.

Some people with anxiety find it hard to eat at certain times due to feeling too anxious. Despite being twenty two, I still can't eat before ten o'clock in the morning because I get so nauseous. Unfortunately years of schoolwork and exam stress have left me with a weak stomach in the mornings. When writing anxious characters with appetite problems, don't make it cliche. Some anxious people struggle to eat around a certain meal time, such as breakfast. Don't have them never eat due to being anxious because some people overeat to combat their anxiety.

Treatment by other characters.

Not everyone is understanding about anxiety. It's only when I entered the workplace did I start to get treated like anyone else despite my mental health. Although some characters can be sympathetic to anxious characters and offer help wherever they can, be mindful that some won't. The following is a list of reasons why other characters may not help characters with anxiety:

- Feeling like they're just seeking attention.

- Finding them weak.

- Trying to 'help' by being tough on them.

- Bullying them for being different. 

- Not knowing enough about mental health.

Try to create a diverse group of characters. Some who will help, and some who won't. 

Self conscious.

So many people with anxiety struggle with being self conscious. You feel like people are watching you no matter what you do, and it can be choking. Be mindful that in some situations your anxious character might struggle due to feeling self conscious about how they look or how they're doing something.

Panic attacks.

Not everyone with anxiety suffers from panic attacks. If you are unsure how to write a panic attack, don't. They can be really hard to get right as not all panic attacks are the same. Not everyone rocks back and forth in a panicked state. Some other types of panic attacks are:

- Hyperventilating.

- Cursing.

- Self harm.

- Angry outburst.

- Violence.

- Running away.

Use either one or a mix of panic attack types to make them realistic.

Example of Hazel's anxiety in Blood and Water

This list is by no means the complete spectrum of anxiety, I just picked a few that I think are most important when writing anxiety. I hope this helps anyone who is considering writing a character with mental health issues.

Let me know if you enjoyed, and if you want me to do a 'part two' of sorts about characters with depression.

See you next week!

How My Cats Have Influenced My Writing

Hi all!

This week I'm going to talk about my cats, and how each of them has influenced my writing. While pets can be cuddly and fun to play with, they can inspire us in so many ways!

Normie.

Me and Normie, one of the few pictures of us together

Unfortunately I don't remember Normie that much because he ran away when I was little. Luckily my Mum managed to take a few pictures of us together when I was a baby. Although I don't remember him that much, I still wanted to honour him in Blood and Water. He is Hazel and Wes' pet, a tiny Siamese kitten who can communicate with the dragons. Because I don't remember him that well I've made him a new personality, in Blood and Water he is confident and loves attention. Despite not being with me for very long, I still love him dearly.

Rocky.

A rare picture of Rocky awake

After years of begging to get a cat my Mum finally relented when I was eleven. Rocky was only twelve weeks old at the time, and was a bit of a scaredy cat for the first few days. However he soon came out of his shell and we bonded quite quickly. For many years he was my main source of inspiration, every story had him as the main character. In one he was a cat spy, in another he could suddenly speak and he even lived in a forest in one story. 

Despite all the adventures I wrote about him partaking in, he's the opposite in real life. He's lazy, loves nothing more than to sleep and eat tuna. But, he's also very protective. Whenever I went outside he would follow me around the street, and wouldn't stop until I went back inside. For Blood and Water I took his protective aspect and made him Hazel's overprotective brother. He's a main character in the Elemental Dragons series, and I'm glad that I've finally found a story that he shines in.

Mishka.

Mishka, playing in her favourite cat tree

If you follow me on Twitter I quite often post pictures of the youngest member of my cat family. She's lved with us for just over a year, after we got her at eight weeks old. Unlike Rocky, she's loud, playful and doesn't think things through. She can be a pain sometimes, but I do love her dearly. My boyfriend and I did a cat IQ test for her, and she scored twenty points below the average for her age. So we quite often joke that her head is just like a wind tunnel.

I haven't quite managed to fit her into a story yet, I'm still trying to find the right one for her. However, she is the main influence for how the dragons behave in Blood and Water. To how they eat, play and interact with each other. Her silliness helps me figure out how dragons would behave if they were paired with humans.

Next week I'm going to make a blog post about an anthology I'm in, out on the 16th March, so keep your eyes peeled!

Teenage Writers

Hi all!

This week I'm going to talk about writing as a teenager. I've seen a lot of stuff online that says this is an 'issue' and I want to prove otherwise.

I finished the first draft of Blood and Water when I was seventeen. I was curious how to go about editing and preparing it for querying so I read a lot of blog posts from other authors. These were very helpful to read as they taught me how to self edit effectively. However, some I came across were very much against teenagers publishing, or even writing.

Some argued that they are too immature, that they will wreck their chances in the industry before they have even stepped out the door. I think this is really unfair as I've heard of more older authors who destroy their chances by bad mouthing agents or not following submission guidelines. Teenagers aren't the only ones who do it. A lot are more mature than others give them credit for, they may have been writing since they were young and want to try to write a novel. It's what I did.

I wrote a lot of stories about cats until I was about thirteen, then I started writing Fanfiction. Both of these styles of writing helped me grow my writing abilities, but some authors were saying that teenagers should stick to Fanfiction until they are 'old enough'. I think this is really unfair, there is no age where you can start writing novels. If teenagers want to do it, it doesn't harm anyone. There isn't a minimum age you need to be to get an agent.

I also think it's a bit demeaning towards their younger fans, age is just a number. If they have an idea they want to turn into a novel, encourage them. There's no point in putting people down, it doesn't make you a better writer.

Why do some people think that teenagers writing is a problem?

If they want to write, let them. It doesn't effect your writing at all, so these people should just concentrate on themselves rather than worrying about everyone else.

I loved writing when I was younger, and to see stuff like that really put me down as I thought I wouldn't be taken seriously.
When I was researching agents I came across one who had a sixteen year old as one of her clients, which taught me that agents don't care about your age. They just want a good book.

Although I ended up not querying Blood and Water until January 2018, I don't regret putting it off. It helped my writing to grow and become better.

Now that I'm self publishing, I really want to inspire young people to write, no matter their age. I've tried to search for some of the posts as examples but a lot have been taken down. I'm not sure whether it's because they received backlash or their perspective changed. Either way, I'm happy they're gone. As writers we need to encourage each other, not put other people down.

Young people can write just as well as someone who is older, and as someone who writes for teenagers, I want to encourage them.

Erin Hunter inspired me when I was young, and I want to inspire young adults as she inspired me. I want them to have an escape, an opportunity to forget about everything and get lost in a book. One day I hope that Elemental Dragons or one of my other series will inspire someone to chase their dreams of writing.

That's what I hate it when people bad mouth teenage authors, we're supposed to inspiring and encouraging them. Writing about how 'immature' and 'unprofessional' they are will just put them off.

I would have been heartbroken if my favourite author and mouthed part of their fan base just because of their age. That's why I'll try my hardest to encourage young people through my writing. I want to give them the same opportunity for escape that I had.

That's it for this week! Next week I'm going to write about Twitter Pitch Parties, and how they can help you get an agent.

See you next week!

My 2019 Writing Goals

Hi all!

Seeing as it's now a new year, I thought I would tell you all about my writing goals for 2019! 

Publishing Blood and Water.

Yes, I will be self publishing Blood and Water this year. I'm aiming for a Winter release so then I have time to do all the research I can. I don't want to mess this up at all, I want this to be as successful as possible. However, I've done a lot of work already! So far I have:

- Had it edited by a professional editor (who is amazing!).

- Created a website.

- Created a blog.

- Grown my Twitter page.

- Created my Facebook page.

- Created a Goodreads page.

- Started MailChimp (though I'm still struggling with getting a P.O. Box, which is the only thing holding me back from creating my mailing list. I'm hoping to sort that out in the next few weeks).

- Looked up copyright.

- Hired a cover designer (cover reveal in May I hope!).

- Bought loads of books about self publishing.

- Researched thoroughly.

Despite all of that though, I've still got a long way to go. I started 2018 hoping to go down the traditional publishing route, but now I'm doing the opposite. It's terrifying, my anxiety keeps trying to tell me to stop but I'm not going to. Although it's going to be stressful, I hope it will be worth it in the long run. Writing is one of the only things I'm good at and I don't want to fail.

Write two books.

I'm setting a goal this year to write two books. One will be Nirvana, my YA sci-fi about a virus that doesn't kill you, but gives you the opportunity to bite more people to reach the afterlife. The other will be the last installment in the Elemental Dragons series: Cinder and Fire. Although I'm sad to have reached the end of this series, I'm so glad that I wrote it. Who knows, this might not even be the last book set in that universe!

Get Venom and Earth professionally edited.

The second book in my Elemental Dragons series need a to be looked over by an editor, so once I've done a bit more polishing I'll send it off.

Self edit Glass and Ice.

I haven't touched this book since NaNoWriMo, so it really needs some editing. I'm sure it's a terrible first draft but I'm hoping I can turn it into something great.

Decide which WIP to start next.

I have a bunch of ideas, and I'm hoping to decide which one to start once Cinder and Fire is done. Nirvana is the first in a trilogy so I'm going to continue that, but I also want another WIP to write on the side. So far my ideas are:

- YA Historical Fantasy trilogy.

- YA dystopian standalone.

- YA dystopian/sci-fi standalone.

- NA sci-fi standalone.

- NA paranormal mystery standalone.

As you can see I have a lot of ideas so you can expect loads of books from me! I have three series planned: Elemental Dragons (YA fantasy - four books), Damaged Goods (YA Historical Fantasy - three books) and Bitten (YA sci-fi - three books). So I'll be writing a mix of series and standalone, but I just need to decide which one to start next!

Take part in NaNoWriMo again.

I loved doing it last year, and I want to take part again this year! I'll probably be writing Cinder and Fire but it depends on whether I start it earlier in the year or not.

That's it for this week, I hope you all have a successful year with your writing! Stick around next week for when I talk about how not to query an agent/publisher. Just because I'm going down the self publishing route doesn't mean that I won't help those that want to be traditionally published as well.

Why I Hated GCSE English at School

Hi all!

This is a sort of part two to last week's post about why I didn't do a creative writing degree. Before I start I just want to say good luck to everyone on the last push for NaNoWriMo!

Anyway, on with the story.

I didn't always hate English, it was only when I got to secondary school in the middle of year ten (that's fifteen years old for anyone confused). I had a lovely teacher who was funny and tried to make the classes interesting for us.

Then she left.

Her replacement did not like me. As a quiet kid, I used to just keep my head down and get on with the work, but that was terrible according to her. She loved the loud kids who always disrupted the class but absolutely despised anyone who never spoke.

Because of my anxiety, I was the biggest target in the class.

It started off small, with her giving me the occasional glare as I sat in the front row (because she wanted to keep an eye on me). Eventually she moved me further back because she found me 'too self centered' to put my hand up.

Pretty soon it evolved to her picking on me in class and picking apart any answer I gave, which did absolutely nothing for my anxiety and only heightened my depression because I thought I was stupid.

At some point though, she decided to step it up a notch. She thought none of us could spell so she started setting spelling tests in class. I knew how to spell pretty well, so it didn't worry me too much. 

Then she marked it.

She would deliberately mark my correct spellings as incorrect and write the same word next to my correctly spelt one. I thought it was my handwriting, so I wrote them in capital letters so she could read them properly.

Nope.

She marked my correctly spelled word as wrong, and wrote the incorrect spelling next to it. It really irked me to see that I was getting dragged down because of it. I checked my friend's spellings, and she spelled it the same as me and got marked right. So the teacher knew the correct spelling, knew I had done it correctly, but penalised me anyway.

I wasn't happy, but my mum refused to complain and told me to suck it up.

So, I did.

The next big thing was when we had to create a PowerPoint and present it in front of the class. I was terrified.

We had to talk about one of our hobbies, and I chose writing. Throughout my entire presentation she ignored the people talking over me and kept snapping at me to get in view of he camera (they had to be recorded for some reason). Once I was finished she tapped the table impatiently as she waited for the other teacher to give me a score. I got a B which I thought was great, until they mentioned that the teacher decided to mark me down because of my nervous mannerisms. I usually touch my hair a lot and stutter when I present in front of people, and she decided that was bad enough to mark me down. No one else got marked down for being nervous.

Another incident happened when we had to do a group project, which would be part of our overall grade as well. Like I said in the last post, no one really liked having me in their group so I just got stuck with whoever. To get the grade we had to discuss a topic and write notes on it, it was to test our speaking and listening skills.

So, as soon as I joined the group, the other members kicked off when they found out we would all get graded the same, no matter who displayed more skills. I really, really tried to speak as much as I could but I was just so nervous and everyone else kept ignoring me or speaking over me. We all got Cs, which I was pretty happy with because I passed. The others in my group were the A and A* lot, so they were not happy to get a C.

I could see from the absolute look of disgust on their faces that they weren't happy. When the grades were announced the teacher let us chat for a bit, which meant that my group were just talking smack about how useless I was and I was ruining their future. 

I wanted to cry.

The teacher saw this going on, and encouraged them. She went over and apologised that I had dragged them down and she would be having words with me. She told them not worry however, because people like me always end up working for people like them so they'd get the last laugh.

Somehow I managed to last another year in that class before a light appeared at the end of the tunnel: the creative writing exam. 

I was ecstatic.

I couldn't wait to actually enjoy an exam for once, and practice my writing while I was at it.

Of course, she had to ruin it somehow. First she told me that you should never, ever describe a character. Apparently the reader doesn't care. I knew that was a load of crap and described them anyway. She tore me apart in front of the whole class for daring to describe one of my characters as having dark skin. Some people called me racist for including that character as the teacher told them that you can only write characters the same skin colour as you or you're racist.

Second, I didn't know what a semicolon was. She jumped on that in no time, she convinced me that semicolons are to be used in every sentence instead of commas. This confused the hell out of me and I replaced all commas with semicolons. Looking back I think I'm so stupid for listening, because it cost me a few extra marks.

Anyway, once my GCSEs were done I decided that I was not going to allow myself to be treated like that in such a hostile environment. She ruined my favourite subject for me, I just couldn't do it any further. I did not want to get ridiculed by someone like her again.

So I didn't do it at A Level, instead I chose subjects that made me happy.

I don't regret it, because I was a little bit more relaxed in these subjects and I was treated better.

Anyway, sorry for another depressing story but I think it's important that people realise that the tiniest actions can have huge consequences. Especially on teenagers. Be kind and encourage them, don't bring them down.

I haven't decided on a subject for next week so keep your eyes peeled!

Why I Didn't Do A Creative Writing Degree

Hi all!

This week's post is about why I didn't go to university and do creative writing, it's another personal story which goes into a bit more depth about my mental health when I was younger.

I didn't really know what I wanted to do after finishing school so I decided to go on to do my A Levels. I chose Georgraphy, History and Philosophy and Ethics because I really enjoyed learning about them with my GCSEs. Once I was into my second year of that I was puzzled as to what I wanted to do. I was too scared to go straight into work, as I thought no-one would hire me due to my anxiety. But I was also afraid of going to university because I hadn't been treated the best at school and I didn't want another three years of misery.

After scrolling through universities I found a course that I might be able to do near where I lived: Creative Writing. The best part is, it was 100% writing, no English A Level required! (I hated English in school and there's a pretty big reason why I didn't pursue it further - but that's a different story).

They had an open day coming up, so timid seventeen year old me signed up.

Big mistake.

On the day of the open day I went to register, and to my horror, the day before they changed the course. It's now Creative Writing AND English.

Strike one.

Reluctantly I proceed to the talk with my mother in tow (I brought her for emotional support because in was so anxious). Once I got in the room, there were two other people there, both looking to pursue a career in writing.

They were a lot more confident than me, asking questions and talking about their writing throughout the talk. The talk consisted of a PowerPoint with modules of the course. They mostly encouraged writing of crime, thriller, mystery, literary and women's fiction. When asked about fantasy, sci-fi and horror (my favourite genres) we were told that they were dying out so there's not much point learning about them.

Strike two.

At the end, they decided to go round the room to talk about our writing. I can't remember exactly what the other two said just because I was so scared to speak. When it was my turn, I managed to blurt out that I wrote a book: Blood and Water, unnamed at the time. The lecturers were intrigued, asking about how many words I wrote and how long it took me. They were disappointed to learn it was fantasy, but were willing to overlook it because I committed to writing a book.

The other two on the course did not like that.

The other girl, same age as me, brought the attention back to herself by casually throwing out there that she was writing her THIRD book, which she had 'forgotten' to mention before. Everyone was sucked into her little story, but I wasn't buying it. We're all in the same boat, there's no need for authors to compete with each other, especially by lying.

Strike three.

At the end of the talk the lecturer made us hand over our email addresses so she could add us to her mailing list.

Strike four.

She then recommended we do some reading to get a one up on everyone else applying: her books. We were also told to leave reviews (most likely positive).

Strike five.

On the ride home, after having a panic attack, I decided not to apply for university. Especially after the dirty looks the other two had given me upon learning that I had written a book at seventeen. I didn't want to spend another three years being isolated by my peers and frightened of my lecturers. I didn't want to participate in group projects anymore, as they were my worst fear. In school no-one wanted me in their groups so I had to wait until everyone had picked groups to ask the teacher to put me in one. After the inevitable kick off from the group I would be left to work by myself while they ignored me. I knew at university the lecturers would leave me to sort it out on my own, but with the poor state of my mental health I needed more support.

I also didn't want my alopecia to flare up anymore than it already had. It didn't help that the teachers didn't really care what I did, my career advisor ignored my emails after a while and the head of sixth form read everyone else's university applications but mine. I decided that the world was against me and floated through the rest of the year.

Of course, it all worked out in the end! I did a fantastic apprenticeship for a year and I still work there full time now! I don't regret my decision at all.

Next week I'll talk about why I hated the English subject when I was in school, as a sort of part two to this post.

See you next week!

Why I Write

Hi all! 

This is my first of (hopefully many!) blog posts that I will post into my site. I will talk about my writing, announcements, tips and tricks etc. so please keep your eyes peeled.

Seeing as this is my first post I will talk about why I chose to write. If you've had a look through my about page you'll see that I mainly write YA Fantasy. I love fantasy, it's so easy to escape from reality for a few hours and read about teenagers having adventures across dangerous lands and battling ferocious beasts.

But that's not the only reason I aim my writing at teenagers.

When I was a teenager, books were my only escape. At school I was isolated and no-one really spoke to me because of my shyness. I'd spend my breaks walking aimlessly in the hallways because I had no one to talk to. Most days I'd just wander around trying to hold back the tears.

But, books made me forget about that.

I wasn't just the lonely quiet girl in a book, I could be anything!

I desperately wished that I would just get sucked into a book and go on adventures and have a stable friendship group.

Although I was always a shy and anxious girl, those years made me depressed. Of course, no one believed me until I was nineteen.

They called me a liar, attention seeking, worthless and told me to kill myself.

Books were my only outlet.

Although I had written a few short stories when I was young I didn't really think I was capable of writing a book. When I hit seventeen, I thought I'd give it a try.

In three months, the first draft of Blood and Water was done.

It had no name, several plot holes and a lot of grammar issues but I was over the moon.

It inspired me because I thought about all the other teenagers that were going through what I went through. Anxiety and depression with no help and no compassion.

So that's why I'm writing, for them.

Books can keep people alive, they make them believe they can be anything. As a teenager, you need that to get through until someone finally believes you.

Three doctors later, I was finally listened to and I am now a lot happier than I was.

A lot of people still think I'm lying and want to bring me down. That's why I waited four years before I even started querying, I was afraid that those people would come back to haunt me. I was terrified that my readers would believe them over me. Now that I'm self publishing, the thoughts became even worse. It would just take one nasty person to start hurling accusations that could ruin my writing career before it even started.

But, I have now reached the point where I'm not going to let them hold me back. This is my dream, the one thing I'm good at. Why should they be the ones to take it away? 

So while currently I'm focusing on YA in the form of Blood and Water and Nirvana, I am open to New Adult and Adult so maybe I'll write a book for them too!

Right now, I'm focusing on the people who I think need it the most. I've written the book that I needed when I was their age. I just hope that my work can help one person, no matter their age, and help them get through the dark times.

Thank you for reading, I hope you'll stick around! Next week I'm going to talk about mailing lists and the pros and cons of setting one up.